Are you someone who is naturally drawn towards something ‘more’? Do you often find yourself contemplating over what your partner’s perspectives or thought process? Are you innately turned on by intelligence? Well, if the answers to some of these questions are a resounding yes, you could be ‘sapiosexual’.
In simple terms ‘Sapiosexuals’ are best described as people who are sexually and mentally turned on by the display of intelligence. Sapiosexuals are aroused by smartness and sharp insights.
We’ve all been in relationships that have intrigued us beyond measure. Adult courtship is indeed complex, as there are myriad shades to an individual — which are bound to surface if a relationship lasts beyond the whirlwind phase.
The Latin term “Sapio” refers to being wise. However, what needs to be noted is that falling for an older man or woman is not always linked with intelligence. Intelligence is often mistaken for experience. While you may not need to be a super achiever to be termed a sapiosexual, it is evidenced that people who find someone else’s mind to be their most attractive attribute or look at that before their physical attributes, are known to be sapiosexuals.
Despite the term being pegged as “new-age”, the concept has been around forever, and justifiably so, because intelligence is linked with position and authority, in many cultures. This is probably why most college going kids like their middle-aged teachers as they perceive the intelligence of the person as the wow factor. But, if you look at the equity theory of motivation from an organisational behavior or management subject, it says that ‘In order to balance what we lack, we tend to seek it in others.’ More often than not, someone who is not within me, I tend to project it in the external world.
It could go back to an individual’s early childhood with emotions like, ‘I’m not good enough’ or being rejected multiple times. Are we claiming intelligence as a defense mechanism to overcome our own rejections? Maybe you were not being perceived in your environment as a smart boy or a smart girl? So, you tend to wear the hat of intelligence, as your defence mechanism believing you’re a sapiosexual man or woman. That said, it is not a gender based orientation, it’s more to do with preference. What attracts you to a group of people?
If you finds intelligence sexually attractive or arousing, if its a trigger, then you could probably assume your a sapiosexual. There’s also a possibility where you like to date sapiosexuals because you feel they project intelligence. Sometimes, it is just that certain people demonstrate intelligence as a pretense. This is often observed among teenagers, where girls like to date elderly men.
Before going ahead, it is important to take note of the underlying fact that as human beings, there are four needs that ought to be met: social, psychological, emotional, survival or existential need. What’s your need when you’re dating? This is the crucial question you have to ask yourself before jumping to conclusions.
What you like about the person? Is it the feeling of security, protection and warmth? It could be anything.
If you can’t decide whether you are really a sapiosexual or better yet, are dating one, go over these pointers to help you:
The relationship dates back to an old friendship. You did not start dating right away. The affair was a result of a seasoned friendship, understanding your partner inside out and it was far from a torrid romance. Likewise, if your partner’s interest increased over time, there’s a high chance that they were drawn by a non-superficial attribute-intelligence.
They avoid small talk like the plague. Ever wondered what turns on a sapiosexual? Well, smart conversations do. So, if you often find your partner egging you on to think harder and about things you usually don’t, it is very likely that they are drawn towards intelligence and insight over just having a good time.
Sapiosexuals love being challenged. By that I mean, no matter what you wear to a dinner date or how you do up your hair, they will be in for the long haul for as long as they are mentally aroused.
While intelligence is predominantly focused while discussing sapiosexual relationships, one needs to understand that a sapiosexual man or woman will also be drawn towards humility. They are naturally attracted to people who are compassionate, empathetic and understand others better- a trait of intelligence.
They are brilliant communicators. If you often end up smiling at how well articulated a text is, from your partner; there’s a strong possibility of you being a sapiosexual. The same goes with a partner whose sapiosexual- they are turned on by clever texts and smart perspectives and intelligent answers.
Have you ever been complimented for your though process? Or have you done the same with any of your partners? Sapiosexuals are innately drawn to people who exhibit higher understanding and intelligence. If you are often told that you are more than just a pretty face, then there’s a great chance that you’ve won brownie points because of your brains.
Sapiosexuals make great friends. It has been reported that sapiosexuals are motivated by growth and they often tend to teach one a lot during the process. It might not be easy to be around a man or a woman who is stimulated by intelligence, but the challenge is worth trying provided you’re on the same boat.
(Dr Paras is a Life-leadership Coach and Founder of Matrrix)